As we are now only a few days away from the beginning of September 2019 it is time for my to reclaim my future and reclaim my life. Over the last 42 years there has been so much crap happen that in honesty I shouldn’t even be alive today. The several major suicide attempts that I have had that have left me in a coma for a period of time due to a massive insulin overdose I shouldn’t be here, or at least should have some permanent brain injury as a result. But nope, I am still here and I have no major or even minor effects of these several events.
As my friends and followers know I have been homeless since the age of 14 due to major issues on the home front, which I am not going into again. This is decades living on the streets and fending for myself and doing whatever I have to to survive. I can also honestly admit that I made some serious errors in judgement along the way and there is nothing that I can do to change any of my past. But what I can do is now reclaim my future. Give myself something to look forward to. Start getting off my ass and doing something to get my life back … I am no longer a victim, I am a survivor. It has now been 17, going on 18 months since I got off the streets and got into transitional housing until another permanent property becomes available through Housing NSW. But just like everything, things take time.
Since being released from hospital those nearly 18 months ago now, which is when things in my life really took a turn around for the better, oh don’t get me wrong, the last 18 months has been a struggle, at times a major one to where I just wanted to give up, throw in the towel and go back to living my old lifestyle. But I am not prepared to allow that to happen. I can not allow that to happen and I will do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen either.
Something I can say with 100% certainty is there is absolutely no way I would be where I am today without the help and support of the workers of Coimba, a program on the Central Coast for homeless men which is run by Coast Shelter. It is because of them giving me housing and the support I need that I have come so far in the last 18 months and there are no way to really say thank you to them that would express my gratitude for the chance to completely change my life around.
The other thing I have noticed since not sleeping on the streets anymore is that I have a lot more health problems then I thought I had when I living on the streets. Going from bone infections, to a heart valve blockage to many other things as well. But slowly I am starting to get on top of everything and deal with things. However, there are some newly found health issues that will get worse over time and now that I know about them they can be monitored and taken care of, not like if I was on the streets still I wouldn’t even know they existed.
Also as a part of reclaiming my future and life I have had to make some very difficult decisions and some of them have been so hard. And I still have other decisions that I need to make. But whatever I do decide is what I feel is the best for me and I will be making them decisions to help me into the future.
A major thing was removing certain people out of my life for good as I was constantly being dragged down and these so-called friends didn’t give a damn about me, it was all about them. And it was always me making the first contact. I would never hear from them, unless they wanted money, smokes, some of my medication (which I wouldn’t give anyway). Then they would crack the shits when I would say no. Then I wouldn’t hear from them directly again, unless they wanted something else. So these people are now gone out of my life.
But the hardest decision I had to make was one recently which involved my mother. As most know several months back, against the advise of people that do care about me, we started talking again and doing video chats, phone calls and talking on messenger. This was until recently when she just blocked me out of the blue for no apparent reason and with no communication before hand. We spoke in the morning, I went for a nap, I woke up and I was blocked. So as this wasn’t the first time this has happened I had to make the hardest decision to not allow her back into my life again. I just can’t keep going through that, I can’t keep allowing myself to get hurt and depressed so bad like what happens every single time she does this. So when she does unblock me, I am going to just have to tell her if she makes contact again that I am totally done and don’t want anything to do with her. I can’t handle it happening again, and the worst thing is I know it will keep happening. It is a pattern.
Anyway, that is enough from me for now. I will write again soon. Chow for now …