Going downhill

For me at the moment I feel that everything is starting to go downhill again. 4 days ago I have been in my current living arrangements for 42 months now. What a hell of a long time for me, but I am pleased that I have stuck it out so much. Even with all the previous, current and future dramas to come.

Now being honest it isn’t my housing situation that is concerning me anymore as my forever home will come in time. Until then I am fine where I am. My biggest concern is my health. And how it continues to get worse and nothing seems to be changing it. The constant changes of medication, an amputation, talk of further amputations, infections inside the bone and legs that are spreading slowly up further. How much more of this can I take?

I think the only good thing for my health as of recent is a new injection I only take weekly for my diabetes have brought my sugar level down dramatically to near-normal levels. It is rare for me to be in double digits anymore and when I do it is usually just in the 10s.

My vascular team have already given me their strong recommendation to which I said no to and said I would re-visit and discuss it in the new year. Yes, there is a reason I am putting this conversation and treatment off until 2022. But for now, people just need to trust that I know what I am doing for my own body and it has been discussed with someone else as well and they totally understand my logic and plans.

Lately, I have also been feeling that everything I people my work and effort into is failing. I am not sure how long I am prepared to have this continue to go on. Right now on this aspect I will reassess it again in about 2 1/2 months and see where things are at at this time and see whether things continue or are just given up. But as far as I am concerned they can continue as long as there as some major changes occurring during the next 2 1/2 months.

I also feel my mental health, depression and anxiety is currently getting worse with me hardly ever getting out and just being stuck at home. But this should change over the next few weeks but just gotta take things slowly.

Anyway, it is 4.17 am for me so I am going to end this post here as my pain medication is now starting to kick in slowly as the pain woke me just before 4am for the first time in a long time. So let’s just hope this doesn’t become the norm again. Also lots of things to plan this weekend for what is coming over the coming weeks. Yikes lots to do.

About The Author

Zac is from the Central Coast of New South Wales in Australia. Zac runs his own online Web Design & Management business. In his spare time, he likes playing computer games, such as Need for Speed Most Wanted, Flight Simulator X, The Sims 4 and various others. Zac also enjoys spending time walking along the shoreline at the beach. Zac has a lot of health, both physical and mental which he is currently working on after a long history of abuse, hardship and decades being homeless. Zac continues to get by day by day and is moving forward with his life and is no longer letting anyone hold him back.