Everything is going to shit …

So it turns out that everything is starting to go to shit all over again and I just can’t take it anymore. Over the last 17 to 18 months there has been many ups, downs and struggles. And some are still occurring to this day.

As most of my friends and followers know around 17 to 18 months ago I was admitted into Mona Vale where I spend just over 2 months. And it wasn’t a pleasant experience. But at the time directly prior before going into hospital I was homeless and had been for a very long time. We are talking decades (on and off – a  few months here and there). Right now being in my current bedsit unit I have been in for going on 15 months now (the longest I have been anywhere) … And I tell you right now it hasn’t been easy.

The only thing that has kept me going is the support of Coast Shelter in Gosford and the team of Caseworkers that I have around me. In particular Steve who has been a great strength to me in times of trouble. And there has been a lot of them.

I am still hanging in there as best I can and doing the best I can under current circumstances with my constant health battles and issues with certain people in my life. Not going to go into details about this, I have in part before, these people are just not worth my time or effort anymore. I have more important things that I need to worry about and that I am concerned about.

There has been some positive stuff happen as a result of me being in the current accommodation I am in. Some of these include: being in a place the longest I have been anywhere, not being homeless anymore, not having to worry where my next meal or shower is coming from, not sleeping in a park, on a park bench or on a concrete slab, mostly on the Northern Beaches of Sydney.  I have also been able to get control of some of my health issues, whilst other conditions have surfaced, which I wouldn’t have known about if I was still on the street. But being honest, and a lot of medication professionals have said this, the way I was when I was released from hospital into this unit if I was to go back to the street I would be dead within a matter of months. And that did scare the shit of me, even though I had placed myself into a coma several times by trying to take my own life by doing a massive insulin overdose, this was different. This was not me making the choice to die, it was would have happened if I returned to my old lifestyle.

As a lot of people know a few months back I start talking to my birth mum again, worst mistake I could have made to be honest. Because over the last week or two that has totally gone to shit and we are not talking again. I shouldn’t be surprised, I was warned this would happen again but of course, me being head strong, I didn’t listen to anyone because I wanted my mum in my life. And just like the other times this has gone to shit out the blue and I didn’t see it coming. But what I can say and have said on this matter recently, I am now done. I can not and will not put myself through this again. If she tries to make contact again it will be ignored. It is just something I can not keep going through, which is something really hard to say, but I have no choice left in this matter.

I am just able to submit paperwork to the NDIS to get onto their program, which is a government funded program to help people with mental health and disabilities, which I have plenty of. My doctor has already done her forms, and now I just need my Counselor to do a report to attach to it. Then it can be sent off and then hopefully it will be granted and I can start getting help in other areas of my life that I need. But as with everything this takes time and nothing happens overnight (as they say).

Have had to make some major changes within my business over the last week, and there is more changes to come and still having to setup some areas of the site due to having to move web hosts due to this industry wide issue with cPanel. But this will get there, it is something I am determined to get fully off the ground and running, which will also provide a bit more finances to help me along the way as needed (mostly with medical and general living costs).

I now have a GoFundMe page up and running. Not going to link to it at this time. But I will in probably one of my next couple of posts. I want it to be running for a little bit before I advertise it on here. I have it advertised on my personal Facebook and Twitter pages at the moment and for now that is where it will remain.

I will be doing a lot more posts more frequently … just need to think of something decent to say pretty much. Don’t just want to come and post rambling shit all the time. Want to start some posts with a bit of substance behind them. Just like the recent post about D Minor – Concrete Pillow.

Anyway that is enough for now since it is 4.22am. Chat again soon …

About The Author

Zac is from the Central Coast of New South Wales in Australia. Zac runs his own online Web Design & Management business. In his spare time, he likes playing computer games, such as Need for Speed Most Wanted, Flight Simulator X, The Sims 4 and various others. Zac also enjoys spending time walking along the shoreline at the beach. Zac has a lot of health, both physical and mental which he is currently working on after a long history of abuse, hardship and decades being homeless. Zac continues to get by day by day and is moving forward with his life and is no longer letting anyone hold him back.