My Anxiety & How It Affects Me

Firstly I think it would be best to tell you what the definition meaning of anxiety actually is.

noun: anxiety; plural noun: anxieties
1. a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome
2. a nervous disorder marked by excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks
3. a strong desire or concern to do something or for something to happen

Anxiety is something that I have been dealing with for a very long time. It is something that I also have to take medication for. Sometimes multiple times a day. But then there can be days that I don’t need to take it at all. The doses have had to change over the years as my anxiety got worse, to the point where I have been taught on how much to take depending on how serve my anxiety is at the time.

I do not know what started my anxiety or exactly when it began. But I do know that it was decades ago. I believe it started when I was living on the streets at a time when I was working The Wall on Darlinghurst Road in Kings Cross. For those that are not aware of what The Wall is, it is a spot in Kings Cross when young boys go and rent themselves to other men for money, a place to stay or drugs. Not long after I started living on the street when I arrived in Sydney after leaving my home town I was shown by other people in a refuge I was living in about this place. And I worked it for years. And then began my years of using drugs to get through the things you would have to do. I am not going to go into details about this, it is not a thing very many people know about. But as soon as this post is published it is then out there. It is a part of my life that I am ashamed of, but it is also apart of my life and nothing is ever going to change that. I believe it was somewhere around this time that my anxiety actually start, but I just can not remember what brought it on.

How does my anxiety affect me?
It affects me in various ways, depending on the situation or the place I am at. I can not handle large crowds, this also includes being on public transport (a bus or train) during peak hour or when it is packed full of people. If a lot of people get on, I get off and wait until another comes along with not many people on the transport. I can sometimes get away with it if I have my music blaring in my ears and have had a dose of my anxiety medication at least 30 minutes prior (that gives time for it to kick into my system).

As a result of my anxiety I don’t go out much, which was very hard when I was living on the streets. I would always be on my own and make sure that I am in a place where there is next to no people around when I am there. It has for sure been a rough and tough life living with this horrid disease.

The medication that I am on for my anxiety is also a muscle relaxant and does make you drowsy (depending on the dose I have to take). But it doesn’t put me to sleep. I wish it did then I would be sleeping every night instead of getting a brief nap here and there and sometimes going days on end without any sleep at all. Which is bad for my health … as you should be able to understand.

I am about to start seeing a psychologist how maybe able to help me come up with ways on dealing with my anxiety when an attack comes on. I am not sure if it will work or not, but I do have to at least try and see what happens. It can’t hurt right?

I totally believe it is because of my anxiety which is why I prefer being on my own and not having other people around me. I usually lock myself away a lot … which people do not understand. When I was living with some people for a short period of time I would always be in my room unless I had to go out into a common area. This really annoyed them and I do understand that, and the problem is I couldn’t really explain this to them and they really wouldn’t have understood anyway.

Anyway that is enough on this topic from me … If you have any questions post them in the comments section below and I will reply to them when I get a chance to

About The Author

Zac is from the Central Coast of New South Wales in Australia. Zac runs his own online Web Design & Management business. In his spare time, he likes playing computer games, such as Need for Speed Most Wanted, Flight Simulator X, The Sims 4 and various others. Zac also enjoys spending time walking along the shoreline at the beach. Zac has a lot of health, both physical and mental which he is currently working on after a long history of abuse, hardship and decades being homeless. Zac continues to get by day by day and is moving forward with his life and is no longer letting anyone hold him back.