Am I Really Coping?

A lot of people have been asking me lately if I am really coping as well as I say I am (apart from the pain – which we all know I am not handling) – So in response to this question instead of constantly dodging it, changing the subject and going through it so many time with people I have decided the best thing to do is just put it out there. So this is it … The answer to your question … To put it in simple terms (I also know some of you that have known me for such a long time already know the answer) no I am really not coping. Yes, I have by lying about how I have been feeling. Why you might ask? I don’t want to deal with the bullshit that will come from telling people I ain’t coping. I really just want to throw in the towel and go back to my old life.

What I am going to make very clear here and now is I am not throwing in the towel and returning to my old lifestyle. It has been thought about and that is it. And honestly, I know I lived that life for near on 3 decades and I am approaching being housed for near on 3 years I know I would not be able to handle returning to that life. Many factors come into this. How my health has got worse over the last 3 years, the new health issues found as a result of being housed (which if I was still homeless I would probably be dead by now cause they would not have been picked up), I used to be able to handle long periods sleeping in the cold and walking around in just a t-shirt and pair of shorts in the middle of winter (that is something that I can’t do anymore, the cold actually affects me now), and I suppose this is the major thing stopping me from returning to that lifestyle, I choose not to go back – I don’t want to live that way anymore. I have come too far over the last few years to lose it all now. But yes, I still struggle, not every day, but a lot. And there is not really anyone I can talk to about it as people have lived my old life, they don’t understand. I do have a close friend in the United States who I talk to about this that and everything. He’s good at giving advice and the honest truth, even if it isn’t what you want to hear.

I do have a few good friends located around the world. But this is hard for me because I literally only have a couple here in Australia and really only 1 close by. It’s not like I can jump on a plane and go and visit friends in the US or Canada or anything. I also wouldn’t be able to handle the long flights anyway, even if we weren’t in a pandemic.

There will be more posts on various things coming over the coming days. So stay tuned.

About The Author

Zac is from the Central Coast of New South Wales in Australia. Zac runs his own online Web Design & Management business. In his spare time, he likes playing computer games, such as Need for Speed Most Wanted, Flight Simulator X, The Sims 4 and various others. Zac also enjoys spending time walking along the shoreline at the beach. Zac has a lot of health, both physical and mental which he is currently working on after a long history of abuse, hardship and decades being homeless. Zac continues to get by day by day and is moving forward with his life and is no longer letting anyone hold him back.

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