Have I Given Up?

Date:
in: Amputation, Personal

This is a hard question to answer. But to make it simple, I believe in a way I have given up to a point. Why is this so?

Well, wearing a prosthetic leg when I can makes me feel like a freak. I don’t feel normal. People stare, people make comments and think you don’t hear but you do and it fucking hurts. No one understands how much their words can actually fucking hurt someone.

At the moment as hard as it sounds, I feel better stuck in a wheelchair and hardly going out unless I am on my mobility scooter just going to the supermarket and then back home again. And when I am out for longer it is usually at night when no one else is around and just going for a scooter up to the beach or around my the suburb.

So, I suppose you can say that yes, I have given up.

Hopefully when the amputee clinic re-opens later this month things might get my mind back on track. With them being closed it is hard to get some actual support as not sure where to turn and not going to contact the hospital because most of them are useless at the moment because I am no longer a patient and I am not going to have myself re-admitted just to get this kind of help because fuck knows how much time I would be kept in there.

Anyway its just after 4am, so that is enough for now, just wanted to get this thought out there.

About The Author

Zac hails from the Central Coast of New South Wales, Australia, spends his free time playing computer games such as GTA-V FiveM, Need for Speed Most Wanted (Black Edition), Flight Simulator X, and The Sims 4. He once enjoyed leisurely walks along the beach before his below-knee amputation (BKA) in June 2022. Currently, Zac is on a path to recovery, confronting both physical and mental health challenges arising from a history of abuse, adversity, and prolonged homelessness. With each passing day, he continues to persevere, striving for improvement in his life, and remains resolute in not allowing his past to dictate his future. Zac has a lot of health, both physical and mental which he is currently working on after a long history of abuse, hardship and decades being homeless. Zac continues to get by day by day and is moving forward with his life and is no longer letting anyone hold him back.